Trumpression

trumpression

I found myself feeling all sorts of off all day today. Headache, tight chest, and a nondescript, insidious sense of hopelessness. After a dose of reflection, I'm thinking a lot of it is a direct result of the South Carolina Primary, and the slow, steady transformation of a droll nightmare into a bleak reality. I can't imagine I'm the only one with a soul that seems to decay with each additional vote collected by (to borrow from the late Jeb Bush) "You Know Who." How many people are feeling the (red, white) and blues today? Enough to warrant a new clinical diagnosis? Lord knows I hope not, but in case one is needed, I've got the DSM covered.

TRUMPRESSION (DSM-V)

Depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities for more than two weeks, as a result of Donald Trump’s continued success in the 2016 Presidential campaign.

• Mood represents a change from the person's baseline.

• Impaired function: social, occupational, educational, political.

• Specific symptoms, at least 5 of these 9, present nearly every day:

1. Depressed mood or irritable most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feel sad, vapidity of democracy) or observation made by others (e.g., appear tearfully aware of white supremacist ideology).

2. Decreased interest or pleasure in making America great again, most of each day

3. Significant weight change (5%) or change in appetite (often a heightened propensity for organic, fair-trade foods)

4. Change in sleep: Insomnia or hypersomnia; recurring night terrors with themes of captivity (e.g. images of locked doors, prison cells, insurmountable walls)

5. Change in activity: Psychomotor agitation or retardation (often accompanied by trepidation upon hearing the word "retardation")

6. Fatigue or loss of energy to fight for social/racial justice

7. Guilt/worthlessness: Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate, internalized guilt about wealthy, white men in America.

8. Concentration: diminished ability to think or concentrate, or more indecisiveness about maintaining certain familial/social relationships.

9. Migratory ideation: Thoughts of immigration or emigration, or has other plans to leave the United States of America.

DSM – V anxiety symptoms that may indicate trumpression: irrational worry about a racist, sexist, narcissistic (see “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”), Islamophobic, generally xenophobic moron being Head of State; preoccupation with unpleasant worries of a society in moral and spiritual demise; trouble relaxing, feeling tense, fear that something awful might happen to anyone who is not a millionaire or billionaire and direct descendent of the Aryan race.

This stuff is scary. It is all quite real to me right now. I'm concerned, and I don't feel well, and I wish I didn't have to turn this into a joke in order to deal with the despair. Must keep digging for hope, friends. Find someone to dig with you. I've read Holes. I've seen the first few minutes of O Brother, Where Art Thou? So I know it's always more fun when you dig together. If digging doesn't work, blow that shit up. #feelthebern